With the end of 2013 and the start of a new year, I feel lucky to have time to reflect and write. From January to July I will join the Georgetown University Organizational Consulting and Change Leadership program. Much of my writing these months will focus on insights derived from readings and experiences of the program. An enjoyable challenge will be to integrate the theme of environment and animals into this journey. Perhaps it will be easy since animals and the environment provide inspiration and insight into human behavior and all the forms it takes, even within companies and organizations. I'll start today with this entry on the first program reading.
The book "Leadership and Self-Deception" from the Arbinger Institute uses a story format to explore the concept of being "in the box" and how to live out of the box. Through the story of a new corporate executive at a fictional (but very familiar) company, we learn how we create a box around ourselves, our own world of logic, stories, and self-justifications about who we are and why we do things. We protect this box and the story it feeds us about ourselves to the point of self-deception. We can't clearly see ourselves, our reality or others from inside this self created story-world that usually places us as the superhero, martyr or victim and others as lazy, inconsiderate or dangerous.
The danger is not just that we are blind and self-aggrandizing, but that this box is re-enforcing and fortifying itself constantly. It's cancerous feedback causes the box walls to get thicker and thicker each time we successfully replay the same situations and stories. An example given by Kate, the head of the company, is of her and her son. She hates when he comes home late. She perceives him as a troublemaker who is irresponsible and herself as a good and caring mother. She reacts to him as being this way even when he acts otherwise because it re-enforces her self perception, her box. Even when her ultimate goal should be to get him to come home earlier, she is actually acting to protect the story inside her box. So when he does come home on time after she has stewed all night about him, she is unknowingly a bit disappointed inside. Rather than recognize his good deed she says to him, "you cut that close".
This has serious repercussions not just for families but for organizations because the boxes distract people from being results-focused and instead have them using all their energy to keep up the box. They are gossiping, withdrawing or hoping others fail in order to keep their self-perception as the responsible or successful worker.
Two big things came to mind while reading the book last night. First is how the box resembles samsara and prevents what Buddhists call enlightenment. The lessons of 'dropping your storyline' or withholding judgment, mirror the concept of getting out of the box. In this view there is no victim and perpetrator, we are all equally given the challenge of awakening to a world free from our limited and ego-centered vision. It is immediately freeing to think about this: To release the memory of wrongs and suppose-to-dos and judgments. It is de-stabling though. Stepping out of the box means a huge borderless world that feels rudderless and overwhelming at times. Buddhism encourages us to embrace this feeling of emptiness, and to actively enter this state (e.g. through meditation). Paradoxically at first this emptiness or journey outside the box leads to genuine grounded-ness. Not in transitory things or self-generated myths but in the larger world. In the book, this larger world is the mission of the organization and the needs of colleagues. In essence you drop the storyline in your head and become part of a much larger and more meaningful story. You are no longer the central character but see instead a bigger story that includes the whole organization, or in Buddhist thinking, the whole universe.
In the book, the central character becomes real results. You can plainly see where you are going and fresh views on the path there. This is key in a changing world because every day when you wake up you need to re-chart the path, to consider new obstacles and opportunities. If you are clouded in your vision, unable to see clearly from inside the box, you will fail to take the right actions.
The second thing that linked to the reading was some very sad news. Our long time friend Kayla, our friends' old German shepherd, passed away last night. In thinking about her and her loyal, straightforward ways I thought about how out of the box she was. She has no self-created story about the world around her. It just is. Yes the simplicity is what makes us think we are superior to animals and our complexity does give us an adaptability to our surroundings, but there's no doubt that we can learn from Kayla's clear awareness. Dogs are without self-deception. They see and do and react to the world as it is.
p.s. Less than a week after writing this blog entry about Kayla I read a story in the Honolulu newspaper about a therapy dog that visits veterans’ courts (Calm, cool and furry, 12/23/13). She’s having an impact by calming people with anger management issues or anxiety just by letting them pet her or by approaching nervous people and resting her head on their lap. The owner says she helps because “(dogs) don’t lie, cheat or steal. They are not judgmental. They accept the veterans as they are, right then and there.” The judge brought the therapy dog in after reading about their role in helping active-duty service members and veterans receiving treatment at hospitals and in rehabilitation. The Navy and Marine Corps Public Health Center says “Pet therapy is directly linked to improved health and wellness of the wounded, ill and injured. It significantly impacts recovery time, the healing process, and enhances social skills.” They also aid with PTSD, lowering blood pressure and reducing anxiety and depression. My dad and his dog, Gracie, are certified to visit children’s hospitals and eldercare homes. He sees the same kinds of positive impacts from these short engagements. Gracie doesn’t get uncomfortable or express pity, she just approaches people as they are and with a genuine desire to connect - to get and give positive attention.
These stories shed more light on animals’ “out of the box” ways and how much more there is to learn from them -- on how to act and approach each other and the world around us.
The book "Leadership and Self-Deception" from the Arbinger Institute uses a story format to explore the concept of being "in the box" and how to live out of the box. Through the story of a new corporate executive at a fictional (but very familiar) company, we learn how we create a box around ourselves, our own world of logic, stories, and self-justifications about who we are and why we do things. We protect this box and the story it feeds us about ourselves to the point of self-deception. We can't clearly see ourselves, our reality or others from inside this self created story-world that usually places us as the superhero, martyr or victim and others as lazy, inconsiderate or dangerous.
The danger is not just that we are blind and self-aggrandizing, but that this box is re-enforcing and fortifying itself constantly. It's cancerous feedback causes the box walls to get thicker and thicker each time we successfully replay the same situations and stories. An example given by Kate, the head of the company, is of her and her son. She hates when he comes home late. She perceives him as a troublemaker who is irresponsible and herself as a good and caring mother. She reacts to him as being this way even when he acts otherwise because it re-enforces her self perception, her box. Even when her ultimate goal should be to get him to come home earlier, she is actually acting to protect the story inside her box. So when he does come home on time after she has stewed all night about him, she is unknowingly a bit disappointed inside. Rather than recognize his good deed she says to him, "you cut that close".
This has serious repercussions not just for families but for organizations because the boxes distract people from being results-focused and instead have them using all their energy to keep up the box. They are gossiping, withdrawing or hoping others fail in order to keep their self-perception as the responsible or successful worker.
Two big things came to mind while reading the book last night. First is how the box resembles samsara and prevents what Buddhists call enlightenment. The lessons of 'dropping your storyline' or withholding judgment, mirror the concept of getting out of the box. In this view there is no victim and perpetrator, we are all equally given the challenge of awakening to a world free from our limited and ego-centered vision. It is immediately freeing to think about this: To release the memory of wrongs and suppose-to-dos and judgments. It is de-stabling though. Stepping out of the box means a huge borderless world that feels rudderless and overwhelming at times. Buddhism encourages us to embrace this feeling of emptiness, and to actively enter this state (e.g. through meditation). Paradoxically at first this emptiness or journey outside the box leads to genuine grounded-ness. Not in transitory things or self-generated myths but in the larger world. In the book, this larger world is the mission of the organization and the needs of colleagues. In essence you drop the storyline in your head and become part of a much larger and more meaningful story. You are no longer the central character but see instead a bigger story that includes the whole organization, or in Buddhist thinking, the whole universe.
In the book, the central character becomes real results. You can plainly see where you are going and fresh views on the path there. This is key in a changing world because every day when you wake up you need to re-chart the path, to consider new obstacles and opportunities. If you are clouded in your vision, unable to see clearly from inside the box, you will fail to take the right actions.
The second thing that linked to the reading was some very sad news. Our long time friend Kayla, our friends' old German shepherd, passed away last night. In thinking about her and her loyal, straightforward ways I thought about how out of the box she was. She has no self-created story about the world around her. It just is. Yes the simplicity is what makes us think we are superior to animals and our complexity does give us an adaptability to our surroundings, but there's no doubt that we can learn from Kayla's clear awareness. Dogs are without self-deception. They see and do and react to the world as it is.
p.s. Less than a week after writing this blog entry about Kayla I read a story in the Honolulu newspaper about a therapy dog that visits veterans’ courts (Calm, cool and furry, 12/23/13). She’s having an impact by calming people with anger management issues or anxiety just by letting them pet her or by approaching nervous people and resting her head on their lap. The owner says she helps because “(dogs) don’t lie, cheat or steal. They are not judgmental. They accept the veterans as they are, right then and there.” The judge brought the therapy dog in after reading about their role in helping active-duty service members and veterans receiving treatment at hospitals and in rehabilitation. The Navy and Marine Corps Public Health Center says “Pet therapy is directly linked to improved health and wellness of the wounded, ill and injured. It significantly impacts recovery time, the healing process, and enhances social skills.” They also aid with PTSD, lowering blood pressure and reducing anxiety and depression. My dad and his dog, Gracie, are certified to visit children’s hospitals and eldercare homes. He sees the same kinds of positive impacts from these short engagements. Gracie doesn’t get uncomfortable or express pity, she just approaches people as they are and with a genuine desire to connect - to get and give positive attention.
These stories shed more light on animals’ “out of the box” ways and how much more there is to learn from them -- on how to act and approach each other and the world around us.